Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
