Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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