Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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