i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
