Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
