Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
