When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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