I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
