So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
