bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
