Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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