alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
