I will die if light touches me.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
