so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
