im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
