it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
