i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
