Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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