Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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