Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
