Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize