you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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