I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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