Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
