Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
