i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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