his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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