I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm like, not good at living.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
