Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
