The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
