I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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