you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
