Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
