I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize