I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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