If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
