I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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