Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
