I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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