then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
