I am in a vortex of obligation.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
