i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
