he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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