I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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