Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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