I want you more than these girls want KFC
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
