He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
