btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
