I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
