She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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