You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
