Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
