Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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