Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
