ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize