We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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