***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
