We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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