remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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