Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
